Don't Pray for Me, Argentina

For years I've worried about people praying on my behalf without my permission, or even directly against my will. What if someone who believes in the almighty tortoise prays for me to do well in a running race? Or somebody who believes in crystals prays for my kidney stones to dissolve? If somebody who believes in auras prays for me while I'm walking through airport security, will it set off the alarm?

My religion (insomniology) relies more on lying in bed and worrying than on actually praying for any specific outcome. But this is one thing I no longer have to worry about. A new study in the April 2006 issue of the American Heart Journal has proven that praying for other people has no impact. Telling them that you're praying for them, of course, has a negative impact. Who needs all that pressure?

In this study, titled Study of the Therapeutic Effects of Intercessory Prayer (STEP) in cardiac bypass patients: A multicenter randomized trial of uncertainty and certainty of receiving intercessory prayer, 1800 cardiac patients were divided into three groups. One group was told they might be prayed for and were. A second group was told the same thing but weren't prayed for. And the third group were told they were definitely going to be prayed for and were. The first two groups had about the same rate of complications, while the third group (who knew they were being prayed for) actually had more complications.

Apparently, one of the groups doing the praying consisted of Christian Scientists.

In any case, from now on you should all feel free to pray on my behalf. Just please don't tell me you are doing so.