War on Washington

The War on Washington! Sounds serious. And I'm not talking about Washington, D.C., or even about the State of Washington. No, I'm talking about George Washington, the Father of Our Country, the first President of the United States of America. A man who saw enough war in his time that we should not be bringing more upon him.

The third Monday in February is coming up, and we will be celebrating the birth of this man. Except, everywhere I turn, it is Presidents' Day this or that. (They are never sure where the apostrophe goes.) Doesn't our country's original truth-teller deserve to at least have his birthday kept sacred?

Some might say that this holiday celebrates the life of President Lincoln, or even (as put forth by none other than President Richard Nixon) that it celebrates ALL presidents.

But then, where does it stop? Next year, Presidents' Day will fall on the 19th. This happens to be the birthday of Saparmurat Niyazov, President for Life of Turkmenistan, one of the world's most authoritarian dictators. Yes, in just twelve months we will be celebrating the life of the man who (facts courtesy of Wikipedia):

• Changed to word for bread to the name of his mother


• Order physicians swear an oath to him instead of the Hippocratic Oath


• Banned video games, opera, ballet, and lip syncing


• Banned public smoking (ok, there's a good reason to celebrate his life!)

In 2009, Presidents' Day will fall on Feb 16. That happens to be the birthday of Kim Jong-il. I guess he is not officially the president of North Korea, because his father, Kim Il-sung, was named that country's "Eternal President". Imagine that.

So, if you are like me, you will be boycotting any business that has a Presidents' Day sale. I'll be getting out my axe and chopping down some cherry trees (not Presidents' Trees!). I refuse to celebrate the life of the man (Niyazov) who decreed that the people in his country should chew on bones to preserve their teeth rather than getting caps.