Insomnia Log

This is what keeps me awake at night???

Who needs sleep? (well you’re never gonna get it)
Who needs sleep? (tell me what’s that for)
Who needs sleep? (be happy with what you’re getting,
There’s a guy who’s been awake since the second world war)

-- words and music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson

Location: Boulder, Colorado, United States

Everything you need to know about me can be found in my posts

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Now Is the Time for All Good Men to Come to the Aid of their Gender

The results of a recent study on bathroom-hand-washing practices were published recently, and they weren't pretty. It seems that when spies watched people in public restrooms, only 66 percent of men washed their hands, while 88 percent of women did so.

I wanted to get to the bottom of this story, and flush out the missing details, but curiously some of the vital parts were kept private. What I found is that this study is pretty much a bowl of crap. Here are a few dirty little secrets I was able to expose, all of which send the results of this study down the toilet.

Number one: No surprise, the results varied depending on where the spies lurked. The worst results were at Turner Field baseball stadium in Atlanta. 43% of the guys rushed back to the exciting game without so much as a rinse. Well, duh! Have you ever been in the men's room of a sports stadium? Would you want to touch more germ-laden fixtures than you absolutely had to? I'm guessing those faucets handles are pretty gross. That's assuming there are soap and paper towels. And when your feet are sticking to the floor, you'd probably rather get back to where there's a chance it might be mustard you're stepping in, rather than lingering for a few seconds longer in the muck.

Number two: Men are different than women. Again, duh. If I were the president of Harvard, making this statement might cost me my job, but it seems pretty obvious. Many men can use the urinal without ever touching themselves. If they do, it may be a casual touch to a part of the body that is generally more clean than the hands. And with automatic flush urinals, they can get in and out without touching anything but their zippers.

Number three: Numbers one and two -- they're different. I found a study online that showed men and women essentially even when it came to washing up after number two. The difference comes about when there is a difference -- vive la difference! Eliminate this discrepancy, and the gender gap is wiped out!

Number four: Did you see who sponsored the survey? Yes, it was the Soap and Detergent Association. Enough said.

By the way, bathroom spies are a clear violation of bathroom etiquette.

Q. Why don't men put the toilet seat down?

A. Because they know they'd have to wash their hands after!

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