Top Ten Reasons I Can't Sleep
But top 10 what? Well, obviously it will be the top 10 posts to this blog over the past year. So, in no particular order, the top post in each category:
Funniest post: Hands down, this would have to be my April Fools post. It's hard to believe the number of folks who actually believed my story about the illegal aliens coming from a town called Mars in Mexico. The government couldn't stop them! They were taking over the local economy! Eventually, they all died off when we gave them AIDS. What a riot!
Most controversial post: So many to choose from. But in the end I had to choose my insightful comparison in February of CU Professor Ward Churchill to Nazi Joseph Goebbels.
Most popular post: One word: Kittens.
Most flames: Oh, boy! I guess I knew I was going to get some people mad, but I never expected it to be so big. I'm talking, of course, about my comparison of George W. Bush and Jesus Christ for my Easter/Passover rant. It's a good thing I left out the stuff about Osama! [I live for this stuff!]
Wish I didn't write it: No contest. My foot went into my mouth and all the way down my throat when I praised Michael Brown and FEMA in July, just days before Hurricase Katrina hit.
Most quoted: I hate to admit it, but this catgeory was an easy pick with my expose last September of the rumor that Dick Cheney had received a secret heart transplant from a pig. This made it onto Jon Stewart, into Michael Moore's latest movie, and was also found in some "unauthorized" early re-election campaign material supporting Democrat Al Green of Texas. There was also that "ripped from the headlines" take-off on Commander in Chief in November. Hint: I made it up. It was just a joke. No pig heart. Really. So, please get the secret service off my lawn. (However, they did use pig cartilege to repair his knees after his aneurism surgery.)
Best prediction: Hard to believe, but back in June I predicted that Lance would go on to win his seventh tour. You were all sceptics, but I get the last laugh on this one.
Award winning: Got a streak going here. This is the fourth year in which I wangled the "Put Me Right To Sleep" award from Dozer, announced on his or her blog, last February. Appropriately, it my analysis on the history and significance of the Groundhog Day tradition that did it this year.
Stupidest post: How about if I claim I meant it in an ironic fashion? Tough choice, but in the end I had to pick my American Idol choices announced last May.
Kept me awake the longest: Amusingly, I spent more time lying awake trying to decide on the top 10 posts for this very essay. Go figure.
That's it, and I hope to have an even better list next year. Have a sleepless 2006!