You Don't Have to Go Home (But You Can't Stay Here)

Boulder City Manager Jane Brautigam has proposed a new rule closing all city parks and open space properties between 11 p.m. and 5 a.m. It wouldn't apply to pedestrians or cyclists passing through without stopping, but any hint of delay would open the lollygaggers to citation.

Communications Manager Patrick von Keyserling says this rule is not a response to the Occupy protesters, but rather is meant to protect their safety and health (a rather Orwellian description).

It is also meant to address illegal nighttime activity in dimly lit, sparsely populated areas. It's easier to stop all parks and open space usage at night than to just enforce existing laws.

However, my biggest issue with the proposal isn't its questionable justification. It's the legitimacy of the process being followed.


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Does Why Matter?

A pair of recent local convictions brought up the issue of how laws against bias-motivated crime relate to free speech protections.

Joseph Coy was convicted of both second-degree assault and bias-motivated crime for his racially motivated attack on Nigerian CU student Oluyibi Ogundipe. Zachery Harris was convicted of bias-motivated harassment for using racial slurs against Ogundipe and his Saudi friend, Ahmad Abdulkareem.

The First Amendment was designed to protect expression that may not be popular, even expression that makes people angry. Yet, even the Supreme Court has ruled that it has limits. Some speech may be regulated within the confines of free speech.

Coy won the lottery with his two-for-the-price-of-one crime. Clearly, there was evidence to convict him of the assault. Was the bias-motivation a separate crime, worth doubling his punishment?


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Talking the Talk

A few months ago, I wrote that Sarah Palin and other Tea Party darlings were fanning dangerous flames with their violent imagery, but that they were within their First Amendment rights to do so.

I also predicted the public would lose its sympathy for Tea Partiers after an event like Tucson's assassination attempt.

It's too soon to say whether my prediction will come true. However, it is clear there's been a backlash, in the form of calls for "civility." I'm opposed to those calls.

It's not that I'm opposed to civility. I'm not. Civility is greatly underrated.

But the principle of free speech is a foundation of this country. The way to protect against speech you don't like is not to tell people to shut up. It's to make a convincing argument why they are wrong.


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Whose words?

Many are happy to interpret recent election results, but to me it's simple. People are out of work and taking it out on their elected officials.

According to my statistical analysis of past elections, the unemployment rate has been responsible for about a third of switched congressional seats. Further, when the unemployment rate is above about 7 percent, that contribution leaps to somewhere between half and two thirds.

When unemployment is high it is a huge factor in house seats being lost by the president's party. When unemployment is low, other factors come more into play.

Based on this theory, you could have predicted that Democrats would lose at least 40 seats in the House without looking at a single news story, poll result, party platform, or campaign ad.

But there's more to this story.

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Terrorist Cell Phonies

By U.S. law, "terrorism" is "premeditated, politically motivated violence perpetrated against noncombatant targets by subnational groups or clandestine agents." But ask 100 people and you`ll get 50 different definitions. One man`s terrorist is another`s freedom fighter. As Justice Potter Stewart said regarding pornography: "I know it when I see it."

Just as most Muslims don`t want to blow up airplanes and most anti-abortion advocates don`t want to kill abortion doctors, plenty of people who are sympathetic with the Tea Party goals condemn violence in furtherance of those goals. Clearly, membership in these groups is not sufficient to earn a label as a terrorist. The Tea Party movement is not a terrorist group.

But something scary is going on.

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Lance for President

Tony Kornheiser rants against cyclists on his ESPN radio show. That includes "jokingly" suggesting that drivers hit cyclists with their cars.

Lance and his fans get wind and and start a viral campaign against Kornheiser.

Kornheiser grovels to Lance and invites Lance on his show to apologize. Tony promises no more rants and even agrees to ride a bike for the first time since childhood.

Lance goes on the air to a market of bike haters, and gets their biggest rabble-rouser to denounce his former ways to his fans.

I'm convinced Lance could bring about peace in the Middle East. He might even be able to bring Republicans and Democrats together on health care, but that's probably beyond even his powers.

Free Speech Means Just That

A couple of recent incidents in Boulder illustrate just how fragile free speech guarantees are.

Seth Brigham, local activist, was first interrupted and then arrested when it appeared he was about to criticize a couple of council members during the public participation portion of a city council meeting. Fortunately, the charges were dropped, and council apologized. But there are still some on council who think the actions against Seth were legitimate. Council needs to immediately change the rules so that complaining about a particular council member during public participation is not against public policy.

Second, the local Catholic school told the lesbian parents of two students that they would not be allowed to re-enroll the children because of their homosexual relationship. Many in the community have taken the church to task for this decision.

Some have accused the complainers of being "intolerant". (Never mind that these people are themselves being intolerant of the complainers.) Since when has the right to free speech been limited to things that don't hurt someone's feelings?

How Soon they Forget

Lance Armstrong had surgery today to repair the clavicle he broke while racing two days ago. Said Lance, "It's the biggest setback I've ever had in my cycling career." This from the man who quit the sport when cancer almost killed him.

Also on Monday, infamous Boulderite Ward Churchill took the stand in defense of his $94,000 per year teaching job at CU, saying, "When you bring your skills to bear for profit, you are the moral equivalent of Adolf Eichmann." You nailed it (and yourself) Ward.

If It's War the Politically Correct Want ...

There's recently been a huge controversy on campus -- specifically at the Campus Press. Until last week, I assumed that the folks at CU really were culturally sensitive. But then it hit me. They hate our Constitution, and hence are truly insensitive to the root of our culture.

Really, this is hitting very close to home. Max Karson, a CU student and staff editor at the Campus rag, ignited this conflagration with his article. But soon the campus, the city, even the nation erupted with calls for his head. The charge? Bad satire that some people found offensive. If bad satire that is not PC is a crime, then all my loyal reader are going to have to come find my latest rants in jail.

I read over Max's piece. And what did he say that was so offensive? Well, he suggested that all white people are drunk, racist, narcissistic, stupid, sadistic, domineering, redneck cultural slaves. And that Asians aren't.

So, now everybody is upset, not that he made fun of us white Americans, but that he didn't equally make fun of the non-white folks. This is no longer land of the free, home of the brave. It is land of the meek, home of the slave. The spirit of the First Amendment has been sacrificed at the altar of cultural sensitivity.

And just think of it. You can see the same types of comments every night at the comedy club or on prime time TV. Where would Sarah Silverman, Stephen Colbert, Larry David, and Steve Carell be without this type of tool in their box? And if a college kid can't learn to do this at the campus newspaper, how are we gonna teach the next generation of Sarah Silvermen?

Remember, the greatest satirists of all time, like Jonathan Swift and Mark Twain, are considered so today largely because the targets of their wrath no longer exist, and hence they are no longer offensive.

So, please, if you can't stand the heat become a Danish-Muslim comic aficionado, and leave the rest of us to examine our own foibles in our own embarrassing way.

Warning: Every one of these clips is highly offensive.

Sarah Silverman:


Stephen Colbert:


Larry David:


Steve Carell:


South Park:


Mark Twain:


Jonathan Swift:

Slap Happy

In France they just enacted a new law that bans so-called "happy slapping". Anybody who films and distributes images of acts of violence can be convicted, with penalties of up to five years in jail and about $100,000.

Boy am I in trouble. My link to a David Bowie video (banging on not just six strings, but twelve!). My image of Stephen Colbert being eaten by a bear. My pictures of Donald Rumsfeld and Ward Churchill facing off with assault weapons. Shots of violence against puzzles. Not to mention my photos of aspens exploding with color.

I sure don't want to end up in some dark, dank, drab French prison with the despicable likes of the Marquis de Sade, Voltaire, and Thomas Paine. There's only one way out of this. The new law makes an exception for professional journalists.

That's right, professional journalists get to show as many gruesome videos as they like. I figure all I have to do is have at least one advertisement on my blog to make me a professional. So, here it is:

The Bastille!
Come for the censorship, stay for the french fries

There I did it, I finally sold my soul! Someone please bake me a cake.

I'm in Big Trouble Now!

Senator John Edwards has gotten in hot water over the past few days, because he has (ok, had) a couple of people on staff who wrote supposedly outrageous opinions on their own blogs.

Think about this. These two women wrote their own opinions on their own time, prior to being hired by Edwards. The Presidential hopeful hired them as technical advisors, and now he is responsible for what they said before he even knew them?

I guess this means that I will never be allowed near anybody's political life, because I've said a few things (no I'm not going to link to them -- you're going to have to find them!) that just might have offended someone. Accidentally. Well, okay, maybe just a little bit on purpose. But only if they deserve it!

I'm going to make it clear right here and right now. Nothing that I've written or will write here reflects the views of any current or former employer or any political campaign that I may someday be involved with. Heck (oops, sorry for the language), a good part of the time it isn't even my opinion; I just say it because it seems funny to me. I'm that kind of person.

If this post doesn't get me fired from Chelsea Clinton's presidential campaign, I don't know what will!

Supreme Court Upholds Free Speech for Anti-Choice Protesters

A unanimous Supreme Court ruling yesterday confirmed that racketeering laws can't be used against anti-abortion protesters. This has been cited as a big win for the pro-life cause, while the pro-choice crowd is deeply troubled by what they see as a big loss.

However, as I see it, we all won on this one. The first amendment of the U.S Constitution grants all of us the right to protest. If laws can be passed that prevent one group from protesting on one specific issue, then we are all at risk of losing something vital.

If you are pro-choice, imagine how you would feel if congress passed a law that said you are guilty of extortion and racketeering if you protest obnoxiously outside the house of James Dobson or other anti-abortion nuts. You'd be up in arms, as you should be.

So, let's try to take this as a win for both sides. In at least one case, the right-leaning Supreme Court has avoided the judicial activism of imposing their own beliefs on all of us. And let's continue to have a vigorous debate in the public forum on the real issues of women's rights vs. fetal rights.

Bring it on! If we can't take your protests, we don't deserve to win.

Self-Censorship -- Just a Precaution

I hope none of my loyal readers notices. However, I did have to go through all my old posts and make sure I had nothing negative about our esteemed Vice President. Not that I'm worried I'll get shot or anything. And don't worry, I didn't remove anything of substance.

I wonder how long it will take Google's cache to update?